


Ghosting

by Noonez_Trash



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alive Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Angry Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Artist Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Connor Murphy Swears a Lot, Cynthia Murphy Tries, Dead Evan Hansen, Emails, Evan Hansen Has Anxiety, Evan Hansen Lies, Eventual Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Ghost Evan Hansen, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Is a Bad Parent, Mentioned Heidi Hansen, POV Evan Hansen, Suicide, Trees, Why Did I Write This?, everyone is bad at feelings, help me lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noonez_Trash/pseuds/Noonez_Trash
Summary: When Evan's attempt doesn't fail, he finds out ghosts exist by becoming one. Evan, as a ghost, decides to visit the people he had wanted to talk to when alive because he thought no one would be able to see him. He ends up in the Murphy household and finds out that the one and only Connor Murphy seems to be able to see him.a deal between the two ensue and the lies begin to be created.-kind of like Connor in Evan's shoes, Evan is a ghost an finds Connor kind of cool even though the only reason he was ever to at the Murphy house was to see if Zoe was home.-Or the fan fic i didnt proof read and said "f it post it online"
Relationships: Alana Beck & Evan Hansen, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 66
Kudos: 206





	1. Chapter 1

He squeezes his eyes tight and he lets go of the tree branch. 

He feels the air rush past him by the cold nip at his skin and the wind pushes his clothes to flap in all sorts of directions. 

It feels like he's falling for forever by the time he hits the ground. He knows he hits the ground but he can't feel it. It's like he is falling one second and the next the air is rushing out of his lungs and he doesn't have to breathe anymore. He's standing below the tree he was in just a moment before and wonders how that is even possible. 

Then he looks down at the ground below him and- and oh that's...that's his body. His body just lays there which he can only assume is dead.

Oh god, he's dead. He feels the resulting panic grip at his brain and stabs into his chest. It's almost unfair that, even in death, he is stuck with his anxiety-ridden brain.

The tears come easily as he watches his dead body and then he laughs. Then he's full-on sobbing above his body. By the time he regains his composure, the sky has changed color and he's almost surprised that no one has come for him. The keyword being almost. 

It's funny because he knew no one would come for him. Why would they? They probably haven't noticed his disappearance. He's invisible, after all. 

He waits until the sun disappears below the horizon and that's finally when someone with a flashlight is walking in the distance. It's dark and he can't really see who it is and he's almost sure that it's his boss.

He watches as they flash the flashlight at his body and then they're rushing over and dropping to the ground beside him. Their hand rushes out to his neck and he sees them visibly tense. His skin is probably cold by now and he knows that his pulse is non-existent. He's dead. 

He watches as his boss dials a number into the phone and quickly explains the situation. He hears the location get addressed and how to get to the tree they sat under. 

Not long after the call, a group of what he could only assume were police and a paramedics team rushed to his body. 

He watches them collect it and then leave. He stands under the tree as the darkness is once again the only thing persistent in his vision.

The night passes quickly when you don't feel the persistent need for sleep. 

When morning comes and he can hear the birds sing is when he starts thinking about his mom. He then thinks of the other people being 'left behind' and he feels himself frowning.

He hadn't thought of writing a note when climbing up the tall tree so they would never really know the truth. Maybe they'll think he lost his grip and fell even though he's been climbing trees since he was little.

His mother, he knew, would probably be sad for the first couple of days, and then she'd realize her life was easier without him in it. Then she'd move on and maybe go on a date with that guy she was always talking about and live the happy life she deserves. 

Without realizing it he had begun to walk out of Ellison park and down the streets he grew up in. When he finally realized what he was doing he was outside of Jared Kleinman's house, his one and only friend he had had since before he knew what school was. Or maybe he should say 'family friends' because regular friends hung out for more reasons than just making their mothers happy. 

Without really thinking much about it he walks up the steps and to the front door and tries to faze through it. It works and it feels… strange to say the least. 

Inside the lights are off and everything is quiet. From what he could see, Mr. And Ms. Kleinman isn't there so he makes his way to Jared's room. The door is closed so he goes through it and inside the air feels thick and the lights are off. He scans the room and sees Jared on his bed sitting awkwardly. 

He looks like he's been crying, his eyes are red-rimmed and his cheeks blotchy and red. His hair is a mess and he didn't even bother with his glasses.

Evan watches him for a while and then notices it, a small framed photo sitting on the bed next to Jared. It's a picture of them together in Freshman year when Jared hadn't started to remind him they weren't actual friends. Jared has a wide grin while he has an awkward smile but they're both looking at the camera. Jared's mom had taken the photo because she was the one that dropped then off before Jared had a car. 

He looks back at Jared’s face and sees the sadness in his features and it becomes too much so he leaves the Kleinman house. 

-

He stands in front of the house with a neat driveway and looks to the house. He had decided to go to Alana Beck’s house since it seemed appropriate to visit the people he never had the chance of getting to know while alive. Alana had come to mind since he had thought she was cool ever since they did a project together in Sophomore year on the environment. Alana had let him talk about trees. She was smart and could talk to anyone she wanted to. The teachers and school loved her. People actually saw her. 

Inside the house it was tidy and there were no messes to be seen. It wasn’t intimidating though, the house held a warm feel to it, with picture after picture of the Beck family littering the walls. 

He found her in her room at her desk. She was doing homework and had book after book spread out across the desk open to various pages. There was a stack of papers to the right and she was filling one out. He didn’t stay at her house for long since he didn’t really have anything to do anything else at her house. 

He walked mindlessly for a while after and then found himself in front of the Murphy house. He goes inside in the thought of maybe seeing Zoe but when he steps inside of the house he is amazed at how large it was. It was neat and fancy photos of the family hung on the wall. From what he could see Connor didn’t show up in many of them but Zoe was everywhere. In the ones where her brother was in the photo, he was never smiling. He’d either have a blank deadpan stare or a very noticeable scowl etched into his features. 

Evan frowned and continued to look around the house, it was huge and quiet. Upstairs two rooms sharing the right side of the hallway. He was drawn to the door that had a large KEEP OUT sign nailed into the wood. Along the edges of the door, the paint was chipped and it was closed. Music plays loudly through the door. 

He walks through the door and inside the room is dark, the lights are off and the curtains are closed. Clothes lay scattered around the room and some piled together in the corner of the room. There is a large bookshelf resting by the wall and it’s full of various books. He recognizes some of the titles and authors from books that he had to read for English class. There is a desk to the side covered in loose scrap paper, pens, books, and a laptop that sits in the middle of the clutter. The walls of the room are a deep purple the color seems almost black. Posters litter the walls around the room from bands he doesn’t recognize. The corner is a large bed covered with dark blue and grey comforters and pillows.

In the center of it, all Connor Murphy is laying on the ground with his eyes closed. His hair fans out below him and it looks noticeably tangled and slightly greasy like he hadn't taken care of it in a few days. His hands rest on his chest and his fingers tap along to what closely resembles the beat of the song playing. 

Evan turns around to leave and he’s almost to the door when he hears an angry voice say “Who the fuck are you?” from behind him. 

He freezes. 

Connor couldn't possibly be talking about him, could he? He’s supposed to be invisible. His boss at Ellison couldn't see him, the police couldn't, Jared hadn't. So Connor couldn’t possibly be talking to him. 

Regardless he finds himself turning back around to face him. He was no longer laying down on his back, he was sat up and a glare fixed on his features. He was staring right at me.

"Why the fuck are you in my room?" Connors's glare becomes more prominent as it takes over his face. “What are you, one of Zoe’s friends or something? Here to gather info on her psycho brother?” his voice holds a sharp venom to it. 

"Well, I Uhm," wait a minute he was addressing him" you can see me?" Evans' brain tried to process this as quickly as it could but it seemed a few seconds behind. 

"I think I made it pretty fucking clear that I could see you,” Connor studies him for a second, “Why the fuck wouldn't I be able to see you?" Connor sounds angry. 

And that's funny because the one time he really should be invisible is when someone finally sees him. He almost laughs at that but decides laughing in front of an angry Connor Murphy would probably end badly. He’d probably find some way to kill him even though he’s already dead. 

“Hey polo shirt, are you going to answer me or what?” Connors's voice brings him back to the situation. 

“W-well you see? Uhm well, you see the funny thing is- well it’s not that uhm f-funny but uhm you see I’m dead? I… I died yesterday. I jum- I uhm fell out of a tree and here I am. Uhm dead. I don’t really think you’re supposed to see me? Well I wouldn't really know that cause I-I haven’t done this whole ‘being dead’ thing before but now one else has uh seen me yet….” He stops his ramble and raises his hand up to the back of his neck and looks away from Connor. 

“You’re fucking tripping dude. How he fuck did you get into my fucking house?” Connor is standing now. He is taller than he is and stands above him with a glare. Connor lifts his hand up to shove him towards the door so he flinches back. He didn’t need to flinch back because Connors's hand goes through him which causes him to stumble forward slightly. 

“Holy fucking shit! How the hell did you do that? What the fuck?” Connor is now staring at him with wide eyes. Huh. 

“I… I told you already. I’m a ghost.” 

Connor goes quiet and stares at him. It almost feels uncomfortable before Connor voices up again. 

“Can you go through walls like in those crappy horror movies?” The change of tone almost gives him whiplash, just a moment before Connor had looked ready to kill him but now he’s watching him in what almost looks like amazement. 

Without verbally answering Connor’s question he goes back through the door of his room and finds himself in the hallway again. From the other side of the door, he hears a loud “Holy shit!” and then stumbling steps. A second later the door is thrown open and Connor is there with wide unbelieving eyes. 

“Holy shit dude! You just... “ he doesn't finish his sentence but he does a motion to him and then back at the door. “Like holy fuck!” As Connor stares at him Evan realizes this is the most animated he had ever seen the other. Not once had he seen him smile or talk this much unless he was angry. 

“So wait Polo shirt-” 

“It’s Evan” 

“So Evan how the fuck did you die?”

“You could probably look it up uhm I was an Assistant Park Ranger at Ellison Park this summer and well I saw this grand 40ft tree! I.. I wanted to climb it so I-I did and then the sun was shining on my face and..” he looks at the floor beneath him and decides to lie as he did earlier in his ramble. “I fell and well here I am.” 

“You fell out of a tree? That’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” 

He feels himself flinch slightly at that. “Y-yeah I know.” he laughs nervously and then looks at the floor again. 

Evan knew he hadn’t fallen from that tree. He was sitting on that branch and decided to let go because he knew the world wouldn’t have missed him if he stayed. Connor didn't need to know that though. He wonders if his mother thought he fell. Did Jared think he fell? Would they ever know the truth? 

He didn't write a letter so maybe no one would ever know how he felt and maybe no one will ever know the truth. 

“So tree boy, do you think you can go anywhere you want since you’re a ghost?” Connor questions.

That’s a good question he didn't know the answer to. “W-well I started off at Ellison Park and then went to Jared's house. I also went to Alana Beck's house… and then I came here.”

“Wait, why the fuck did you come to my house then?” Evan heard the snap of anger that had flared through Connor’s voice. 

“W-well I was walking around w-when I decided I wanted to see all of the people I wanted to talk to when I was alive…” 

“So what? Did you want to fuck with the school freak? Is that it?! You wanted to fuck with me didn’t you? Haunt me or some shit?” Evan’s eyes widened as Connor continued his angry rant. 

“Wait! No t-that’s not it at all!”

“Then what the fuck is your reason?!” Connor sounded angry at the surface but behind it all, he sounded guarded like he was trying to hide how he really felt. 

He couldn't tell him that Connor hadn’t actually crossed his mind before he was in front of his door. He couldn't say he was actually there to see his little sister, Zoe, who he had a crush on since the beginning of Junior year when he saw his first Jazz Band concert. He couldn't say that when he got there he was basically dragged to his room by curiosity alone. 

“You see... I-I thought you… seemed cool?”

“Cool? Don't you mean fucking psychotic?”

“No! Well yeah, you were always angry and yelled at teachers and smoked weed in the bathrooms but that... that usually happened after you were taunted? Or uh something l-like that I guess…” Evan stumbled over some words but continued, “A-and I don't think anyone ever noticed but you would draw these amazing characters on your desk when the teacher made you bored of the class…” Evan’s eyes widened while continuing to ramble about what he’d noticed about Connor. Since when did he know so much? 

“Yeah that’s cool and all but I threw a printer at a teacher? Does that ring any bells Tree Boy? I’m fucking crazy” 

“Y-yeah well that was in the second grade!” 

Connor just glares in return but this time it doesn’t hold much of the same anger it did earlier. An almost awkward silence passes both of them. Neither of them knew what else to say in this situation, Connor wasn’t used to being called anything but the psycho school freak and Evan wasn’t prepared to fight for Connor since he’d never put any serious thought into before this conversation. 

The silence is broken by the sound of the front door opening which causes Connor to turn back into his room and slam the door closed. Evan joins him by walking through the door again. Connor is in the middle of flopping face first in the middle of his bed. He hears footsteps lead to the door next to Connor's room and then a door closes. A few seconds pass by and then loud pop music plays from the room next door. 

From his bed, Connor grumbles into his pillows. His body then flops over so he was on his back and his arm stretched out horizontally so he looked like the letter T. 

“Isn’t there anyone else on your ‘to haunt’ list Tree Boy?”

“W-well not really? I really didn’t have many people I wanted to talk to… There wasn’t a lot of people at our school who were uhm interesting?” Evan hears Connor laugh at that. “W-well I should probably go see my mom before the funeral? Oh god, I’m gonna have a funeral-” 

“Okay okay, I got it, Tree Boy, no need to tell me your life story.” 

“O-oh yeah sorry.” 

“Whatever” 

“Sorry” 

“Stop apologizing Tree Boy.” 

“Sorry- shit sorry wait no-’ 

“Oh my god, I thought I was a mess.”

“Sorry” 

“Tree boy stop.”

“Yep, I’m stopping.” Evans' hands fiddled with the end of his shirt and he was looking at the floor. 

It’s almost quiet again except for the music playing in the room next door. Connor is staring at the ceiling and his fingers tap at the bed in a rhythm that does not match the song that Zoe put on. 

“So Evan, what if I went to your funeral?”

“W-what?” 

“I’ll go to your funeral,” Connor says again.

“Huh? Wait, w-why would you uhm why would you want to go to my funeral?”

“So that way we both can pretend we had friends.” 

“O-oh.” 

“Also my family might get off my ass if they think the one and only person to ever tolerate me and call me a friend died.” 

“O-oh Uhm I guess you could… go to my funeral?” 

“Cool” 

“Y-yeah uhm... C-cool” 

“It’s a deal then”

“y-yep”

Connor doesn’t respond and instead just stares blankly at the ceiling while humming a random song Evan didn’t know. It’s kind of awkward or maybe it’s just Evan. He grips the bottom of his shirt and fiddles with it. 

“So,” Connor speaks up “How did you fall out of the tree?” 

“Huh? Oh well, I was climbing the tree, it was the tallest tree by the way, and uhm I was almost to the top when the uh...the branch snapped?” It sounded more like he was asking himself that instead of it being a fact but Connor just stared. “I wasn’t expecting it… and then I was on the ground staring down at my body. Stupid way to die, right?” 

Connor’s face was painted in a look Evan didn’t understand. Evan began to feel nervous trying to figure out what it meant. Connor’s eyes were slightly squinted like he was trying to see through the wall of lies Evan just built between him and the truth.

Evan rubs his hands down his pants in a nervous habit as Connor’s intimidating stare doesn't break away from him, but then he’s shrugging his shoulders and looks away. 

“...boring.” 

Evan finds himself laughing nervously and then apologizes for no reason except he just feels like he should. Connor rolls his eyes and then sits up. 

“So, Tree Boy have you seen any other ghosties around?” 

“I don’t know? I don't think I have but I don't know if there would be a way to tell the difference? If there were more ghosts they probably have left this town already…” 

“Will you leave this stupid town?” 

“I… I Don’t know?” 

“Aren’t there places you wanted to go to while alive?” 

“W-well yeah…” 

“You should go to them since it seems like you could go anywhere you want.” 

Evan doesn’t really know how to respond to that so he just shrugs his shoulders. The silence finds them again. 

“So, Evan how did we meet?” 

“W-what?”

“Yknow, if we're gonna pretend to have been friends we need to have a story behind how we met.” 

“O-oh yeah that’s uhm smart.” 

“So?”

“Uhhh…” 

Connor rolls his eyes. “What type of shit do you like?” 

“W-well I like trees a-and writing I guess.” 

“Okay so I was being a dumb fuck while sitting under a tree at this orchard I used to go to a lot when I was little and you tripped over me or some dumb shit cause you didn’t see me.” 

“O-okay” 

“My mom will love to know we met at the Orchard. Anyway, you notice the book I'm reading as a book you have read before and you ask me about it or some dumb shit. Wait if this happened I would have yelled at you. Why didn’t I yell at you?” 

“M-maybe cause you were high or something? 

Connor laughs. “Okay yeah I was high and you tripped over my legs. You liked the book I was reading and you get me talking about it. Blah blah blah how did we stay friends?” 

“We… we exchanged emails?” 

“My parents check my email, Tree Boy” 

“...Secret emails?” 

“That sound hella gay, no offense” Connor’s face morphs into a smile and he laughs. 

“W-what?” 

“Y'know what? Never mind secret emails it is.” 

“O-okay?” 

“Now why were we never seen together?” 

“Oh! I have really bad anxiety and was nervous to meet your family? A-and because you didn't really want me to come here cause you didn't want me to see your family fight or something…” 

“Okay that fits my side, why didn't your mom know about me?” 

Evan thinks for a moment and frowns. He knows why it would have been the case if they actually knew each other before he died. 

“My mom is never home so she never saw you because she's always at work.” 

“That works.” Connor says this with a shrug and goes back to staring at his ceiling. 

“Okay.” He feels himself smiling and then he sits himself down on the chair in front of the desk. 

Evan hadn’t expected a fake friendship between him and Connor Murphy to form as the result of him killing himself yesterday but he was almost glad it happened. Looking back at Connor, he seems relaxed and his eyes were closed again. Evan feels himself grinning at the boy. 

“So, it’s a plan, Tree Boy?” 

“I-f you want it to be…”

Connor nods his head in acknowledgment

He looks down at the papers on the desk. He saw some of them had drawings of various different things scattered on them. They were amazing, little pencil drawings. Some of them were flowers, some of them were trees, and then some of them were random people he assumed didn’t exist. 

“These are really good” Oh shit he said that aloud. 

“What?”

“Your drawings, they're uhm really cool.” 

“Oh,” Connor shrugs, “thanks?” 

“Where did you uhm learn to draw like this?” 

“Taught myself in my free time and went to art class in school cause it’s an easy class.”

“Oh okay well that’s uhm… cool.” 

“Yep.” 

Down stairs, the front door opens again and then a few moments later a woman’s voice sounds through the house. 

“Zoe! Connor! I’m home!” 

In retaliation to this event groans loudly and then grumbles into his pillows. 

“It’s too early for this shit.” 

“C-connor isnt it like… 2:00pm?” 

“My point exactly, Tree Boy,” 

“Oh.” 

As the music shuts off next door and silence joins then in the room again, Evan feels grateful. He’s glad that he decided to go into Connor’s room because if he hadn’t he probably would have never met Connor, the weird kid he had met today.


	2. Chapter 2

Things had been quiet in Connor's for a while. Their conversation quieted down until they were left alone with just their thoughts as time ticked by. Evan had gotten to take a closer look around the room. The room strangely fit Connor, it was messy and it all clumped together in a disorganized whirlwind of things. Nothing really matched except for it all being in dark colors. 

Evan liked the room, it seemed lived in.

"So Tree Boy, how do I know you aren’t some weird-ass thing my mind created?” Connor was now sitting in his desk chair and it spun around as he stared at the ceiling. 

That was a strange question Evan didn't really know how to answer. 

“Oh uhm well, I guess I couldn’t really tell you that…” Evan fiddled with the bottom of his shirt from where he stood in the center of the room. “Oh! I know there would probably be an article or something on it! You could look up “Teen Found Dead At Ellison Park” or something…” 

Connor stared at him for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and turning his chair to face the laptop. After the screen lit up Connor’s hands flew along the keys and then hit search. He scrolled through a couple of headlines and papers with an almost blank face but his eyebrows were slightly pushed together in concentration. 

Connor spun back around after he completed reading them.

“So Hansen, that was a tall tree you fell out of. Good to know my fucked up brain didn’t try to make up some person to be my friend or whatever.” 

“Uh yeah, t-that’s good.”

“They say your mom is heartbroken y’know” Connors pale eyes watched him. 

Evan felt himself flinch slightly

"The funeral will be this weekend.” Connor shrugged his shoulders and his chair began spinning again. 

“O-oh uhm okay.” Evan felt himself nodding his head. “Okay well uhm you should probably bring it up with your p-parents tonight…” 

Connor didn’t reply and instead just continued his spinning. Evan thought that he was probably high but he really couldn’t tell. He had left the room for about an hour and came back to him spinning around on the chair. Before that Connor had taken a power nap after complaining about his mom. 

It was strange to see Connor anywhere but school. He seemed less tense but even then every time footsteps sounded in the hallway he would scowl or stiffen again. 

“S-so what do you usually do? In y-your free time, I mean?” 

“You mean besides planning to lie to my parents about my dead friend?” 

“Wh- w-well I mean I guess-”

“You already know I draw,” Connor motions behind him at the papers, “I also get high, obviously,” Connor’s lip twitched into an almost smile “and I also read which also quite obvious because I have the biggest fucking bookcase in my room.” As he said this he did a hand motion towards the bookcase full of books. “Lemme tell you, don't read the Harry Potter series while high as fuck and having a crisis.” 

“...sounds fun?” 

“I literally cried for two hours, Hansen.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah it was crazy, good thing I was home alone.” 

“What house are you in?” 

“Don’t laugh.” 

“I won’t.” 

Connor grumbled out a quiet “Hufflepuff.” 

Evan didn’t expect to laugh but… he couldn’t help it. “You’re a Hufflepuff? But you're...such a Slytherin?” 

“Just because I wear a lot of black does not mean I am a Slytherin Hansen.” Connor sent a glare his way.

“I just didn’t expect it.” 

“Yeah yeah, what’s your house then Tree Boy?” 

Evan looked away and fiddled with his shirt. “...s-Slytherin.” 

“Wait a fucking minute what the fuck? You? You're a Slytherin and I’m the Hufflepuff?” Connor sounded unbelieving which was fair. “Ok no more talking about fucking Harry Potter. I can’t deal with this shit, I feel lied to.” 

Evan felt himself laughing and Connor joined him with a chuckle. Connors's laughter ended when he heard the front door close again but this time it was louder than the rest. His eyes darted to the clock and it read 6:00 pm. 

Any relaxation the teen showed before came to an abrupt halt as he listened to the quiet room. 

"Connor…?" Evan asked quietly. 

The other teen's eyes darted to him and opened his mouth to speak but his mom yelled from downstairs. 

"Zoe! Connor! Your father is home, you should come downstairs and dinner will be done in a minute!" 

Connor rolled his eyes and sunk lower into his desk chair so that his back was on the seat and his legs reached farther along his carpet. His arms rest awkwardly on the armrests and his hair falls into his face. 

"Are...are you uhm are you going to go down for dinner?" 

"She said it'll be done in a minute which means about ten" Connor rolled his eyes again, "She's just trying to make us talk like a fucking perfect little family. But guess what, Hansen?" Connors cold stare found him and his face melded into a cold smile. "We are the farthest fucking thing from that but she still fucking believes we can have a civil conversation if we just 'try harder'! No one fucking tries and everything's shit." Connors's shoulders were tense and his hands balled into fists and then stretched out again. 

Before Evan could even try to respond Connor's mom's voice sounded through the house again. 

"Connor, could you please come downstairs? Dinner is ready!" 

"Well, would you look at that? It's showtime." 

Connor rose from the chair, with slight difficulty due to the way he was sitting, and headed downstairs. Evan followed close behind. 

In the dining room (they actually had a separate room for their dining that was separated from the kitchen! Evan thought it was amazing but it was probably a normal thing for people who had money to spend) there was a large table with four plates set out. Two of them were occupied already, one held Zoe Murphy and in the other, a man (who he assumed was Connor's dad) sat. A woman walked in holding a large dish full of food and she had a large smile on her face. 

Connor sat in the chair across from his sister and slouched far into his seat. Zoe sent a glare his way which just made him roll his eyes. Connor's dad was too busy reading something on his phone to have noticed his wife had sat down at the other head of the table. 

"So! Connor, how was your day, sweetie? I didn't see you at all today." The woman had a small, slightly strained smile on her face. 

"It was fine, Cynthia" Connor mumbled. 

Her face still held a smile even when her son used her name instead of mom. 

"He probably just got high all day or something." Zoe rolled her eyes and poked at her food with a face that said 'I don't trust what's on my plate'. 

Connor just glared at her in retaliation and gripped his fork harshly. 

"Did you hear about the kid that died yesterday?" Connor's dad's voice was loud and it made him flinch. Well, here we go I guess. What had Connor said? It's showtime or something? 

Connor's mom, Cynthia, gasped from the other side of the table and covered her mouth with her hand. 

"Oh my, how old were they?" 

"From what I've heard they were Connors' age. He fell out of a tree." 

Connor watched with fake curiosity.

"What was their name? I might have known them." Zoe questioned her dad, her eyes full of concern. 

"I think the name was Evan? It happened yesterday so I don't know all of the details." Connors's dad shrugged. 

Connor had been quiet up until now but as his dad finished his sentence he dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud 'CLACK'. Connor's face held fear and sadness. At that moment Evan realized, if Connor tried, he'd be a great actor.

"What was his last name?" 

His dad looked surprised to see him talk. 

"Hansen I believe?" 

"No no no! You're lying he can't…" Connor forced his eyes to fill with tears. Holy shit he was good. 

Zoe's eyes were wide, she probably didn't see her brother cry much. 

"Honey...I mean Connor what's wrong?" His mother sounded worried. 

"You must be lying he can't... He can't be dead!" Connor was staring at his dad and his dad stared back at him with confusion painting his features. 

"Connor, dear, did you know Evan?" 

Connor sniffles and then begins nodding his head. 

"He… We were friends. He was my best and only fucking friend mom, so yeah! I might have known him!" 

"Oh, honey I'm so sorry…" Cynthia's eyes filled with tears for her boy.

"You had a friend? Then why haven't we seen them around before?" Zoe asked. 

"Zoe!" Cynthia gasped. 

"What? It's a valid question! The only time we've heard of this kid is after he died!" 

Cynthia shook her head. "Have some sympathy for your brother, look at him! he's heartbroken." Cynthia motioned towards her son. She redirected her gaze to Connor. "Would you like to talk about him, sweetie?"

Connor looked up at her and nodded. 

"He was… quiet and anxious. He always wore these blue polo shirts and khakis. His favorite thing was trees, you couldn't get him to shut up about them…" Connor chuckled and then continued. "He was my best friend and his favorite ice cream flavor was Vanilla because he was too scared to try the other flavors. He was working at Ellison over the summer because he loved nature so much… he was so nice mom. He dealt with my shit and I helped him with his." 

"Oh Connor he sounds amazing," she looked so sad while saying this, "would you like to talk about how you two met?" 

"Yeah yeah, uhm one sec," he rubbed at his eyes to keep the tears away. Evan wondered how he learned to cry on command like that. "It was… end of May or early June I think? I forget it feels so long ago… a picture-perfect afternoon. We met at the orchard."

"Wait, Connor, you met at the Autumn Smile Apple Orchard? I thought it closed down years ago… Larry remember when we used to bring the kids there when they were little?" Cynthia's face held a smile. Larry just nodded his head.

Zoe watched her brother with wide eyes. 

"Y-yeah we met there I… I still go there from time to time to get away I guess. It kind of became our meeting spot," Connor shrugged his shoulders "I was on my newest re-read of the Harry Potter series when Tree boy-" Connor's eyes widened" "I- I mean Evan. He tripped over my legs because he didn't see me laying on the ground." Connor smiled down at his hands. "He started apologizing right away and rambled on and on about how he hadn't seen me. I was probably high or having a good day since I decided to not yell at him. Anyway, he noticed I was reading Harry Potter so we just… started talking about the books." Connor looked up at his family. His mother looked so happy. 

"He sounds wonderful Connor" 

"He is" Connor smiled and looked at Evan as he said it. 

"So, wait how'd you stay friends if mom and dad check your texts?" Zoe questioned. 

"Emails."

"They check those two, dumbass" 

"Zoe, language!" Larry scolded. 

"Yeah sorry whatever, what do you mean by emails?" 

"Secret emails so you guys didn't snoop through my personal life."

Cynthia frowned and looked slightly ashamed. 

Evan watched in amazement, he didn't know Connor could lie so well. His mom seemed to believe every word he said as he told their made-up story of how they met. She had a sad sheen to her eyes like she was upset about not knowing her son as much as she thought she did. 

"I…I think I'm gonna head up to my room now."

"Connor, you didn't eat your dinner, come back here." 

"Larry… let him go. I'll put away some food for him if he decides to eat later." Cynthia says. 

And with that Connor heads to his room, Evan follows close behind him. 

When the door clicks shut Connor flops onto his bed like he had done previously that day. A muffled grumble sounds throughout the room and Connor smothers his face into his pillows. 

"Your uhm mom seems nice?" 

"She tries, I guess." 

"So uhm I think your family believes you? Y-you were really good at making it uhm making it believable… I was amazed it was like I was watching a movie? You could probably become a really good actor-" 

"Hasen."

"Oh uhm yeah?" 

"Please shut up." 

"Oh," Evan frowned "I uhm I'm sorry." 

"It's whatever Tree Boy" Connor turns over onto his side and watches him from his bed.

"So uh do you think they believed you?" 

"My mom definitely did… I'm not sure about Zoe. My dad probably didn't care." 

"Oh uhm okay." 

Connor sighs and looks up at the ceiling. Evan looks around at the room. It looked so different when the light was off, it got really dark and you couldn't really see much. He looked up and noticed stick-on stars littered the ceiling and they had a very dim glow to them. He wonders how long they've been there, they look old. 

"Do you get tired as a ghost?"

"Uh- w-what? Oh uhm I d-don't know? I haven't gotten tired yet." 

"Have you tried to sleep?" 

"Oh, uhm no not really. No." 

"You probably don't have to then since you don't need energy." 

"Yeah, that makes sense I guess."

"Is there anything you still can do?"   
"I know I still feel emotions and can cry" 

"Huh, that's… interesting?" 

"It sucks, it's what I was trying to get away from when I-" Evans's eyes widened "w-when I came here." 

Connor eyed him with the strange look again and Evan felt his hands sweat so he wiped them on his pants. 

"S-so uhm…" Evan does a quick scan of the room to try and find a thing to change the conversation "What's your… favorite book?" 

Connor continues to stare at him before shaking his head. "I had a list in the eighth-grade yearbook I don't think it changed much since then."

"Ah okay." Evan didn't have the eighth-grade yearbook.

"If you really wanna know Harry Potter is one of them. The whole series is just...great." Connor motioned to his bookshelf and Evan noticed that yeah, he had every book. 

"Y-yeah that makes sense s-since you've talked a lot about it. I-it's on mine as well." 

"It should be on everybodys! The books are great!" Connor's hands waved around as to make his point more clear. 

Evan felt himself nodding his head and laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a lot of Harry Potter references in a story written by someone who has never read Harry Potter 
> 
> sorry about that lmao this isn't that good but I didn't want to put too much stuff into one chapter so hmmm oh well 
> 
> @the person who said continue this: here you go I'll try to finish it but we'll see


	3. Chapter 3

Connor had been asleep for about an hour now, which was surprising since he had taken a nap earlier. If it was him, he would be awake until three in the morning at least. Evan had sat in his room during that time but he was beginning to get bored with it. There was only so much a ghost could do when the only person who could see him was asleep. 

He decided to leave Connor's room after another while and wandered around the house. The house was dark since all of the lights were off. A quietness flowed through the house as he wondered and assumed everyone else was also asleep. 

The house was beautiful and the walls were decorated with many expensive-looking paintings. The carpets and rooms are all tidy and fairly organized, a large contrast to the large room that belonged to Connor.

Evan wonders if Connor liked this house and all of its perfections. 

Soon he finds himself outside of the house walking down the street and then all the way to Ellison. He walks to the tree he jumped out of. 

He could still feel how it felt to fall from the tree, the cold wind flying past his body, and the sounds of the tree branches whipping him as he fell. He could still feel the sudden stop as the air left his lungs and the way it felt to look down and see his body for the first time. 

Under the tall tree lays a bouquet of small flowers. They’re all the color blue and they lay in white packaging in the grass. It’s strange to see them there and he doesn’t want to know who left them.

They’re pretty flowers. 

Too pretty to be for him and too pretty to be left behind at a random tree in Ellison Park. 

Evan, without much thought (he doesn’t think much of where he is going nowadays), walks past the tree. He walks farther and farther into the park. Trees pass by his vision as the darkness of night slowly disappears and before he knows it's early morning. The sun is peeking over the hills.

It's weird, if he was alive he would probably be tired by now. Well, he would be sleeping at this time, but as he looks around Evan knows he walked a fairly long distance. He thinks he should turn back now, so he does. 

It feels like forever (way longer than it felt on the way into the forest) but he's back under his tree again. He looks up the tree and isn't surprised to see it was completely intact. There were no broken branches that he could see. Evan felt himself laughing at that. Of course, there weren't any broken branches, the branch hadn't snapped. He had let go. 

The more he lets his brain wonder he begins to enjoy the lie he and Connor had created. It was better than the truth and this way it looked like he had a friend. A real friend that didn't hang out with him for car insurance. A friend that cared about the things he liked. A friend that cared enough to send him emails on a secret account.

This lie would probably make his mother happy. She would be overjoyed that even when Evan was dead, he had an actual friend who cared. 

Wait no that was mean to Jared. Jared probably cared about Evan a little bit even though it was so he could get his car insurance paid. Evan remembers the photo is Jared's room. He feels a small pang of guilt. 

He wonders who left the flowers. 

He leaves. 

When he gets back to the Murphy household the sun is higher in the sky and birds happily sing into the cold morning air. 

Inside he hears someone in the kitchen. He assumes it's Cynthia, she seems like the type of mom who would get up early to make breakfast and coffee for her family. Curious, Evan finds himself heading towards the room but finds Connor's dad. 

Was his name Larry? Evan didn't really remember. He thinks that Larry might have been the name Cynthia had called him last night when Connor was leaving. 

He's wearing a plain formal grey suit while getting coffee ready in the pot. His face doesn't show much emotion but it looks tired and his eyebrows are pulled together. Maybe that's how he always looked? Evan hadn't looked at him much the night before but now that he's the only one in the room he could see him. 

He had Connor's blue eyes (minus the brown spec in the corner) but as he looks at him Evan realizes Connor looked more like his mother with his dark hair and thinner frame. Their hair even parted in similar ways. 

Larry pours his coffee into a large thermos, adding creamer and some sugar before closing the lid. He then grabs his suit jacket and suitcase before walking towards the door. Just like that the population of the Murphy household was down to three (four if you counted himself but he didn't think that population counted the dead).

Evan stood in the kitchen for a while, the room was orderly like the rest of the house had been. Random framed photos of words holding a kitchen theme (you could probably find them on Pinterest) littered the walls as did oven mitts and large spoons. A knife block without any knives sat in the corner of the counter. 

A loud ‘Thump!’ sounds from the floor above which makes him flinch downwards. He makes his way upstairs to see what it was and when he can’t see any change within the hallway he goes into Connor’s room. He’s glaring at the opposite wall from the bed with tired eyes and he’s rubbing his head with his hand. 

“Uhm… are- are you okay?” Evan really didn’t know what had happened but by the looks of it, Connor had fallen out of his bed. 

“Yeah, I’m fine fuck off it’s too early for this shit.” Connor then begins to untangle his feet from his blankets. His voice was still groggy from sleep and his hair stuck up in odd angles and seemed to tangle up at the back of his head. 

By the time Evan realized he was staring, Connor had completely untangled himself from his blankets and rested his back on the side of his bed. 

“Your dad leaves pretty early for work.” 

“He doesn't have to leave so early.” Connor looked up at him as he said this. He looked annoyed. “He just doesn’t want to be here.” Connor stressed the word ‘here’ as he flung his arms up to motion towards the walls of his room (he assumed he meant the house). His hands then lower back down onto the floor with a quiet thump.

“Sorry.” Evan doesn't really have anything else he could say because he doubts if he added ‘sore subject?’ to the end of his ‘Sorry’ it would end in anything good. Connor seems to be like that type of person. 

“Shut up Hansen.” and so he did even though he had stopped talking after his ‘sorry’. Or well he hopes he did because if he continued his thought process aloud that would be bad. Probably. 

Connor's gaze found him, he would call it cold but it was warmed by annoyance and something else deep down somewhere. He looked tired even though he had slept for hours that night. Well, he thought he had slept for hours, Evan had no way of knowing what Connor had done while he was gone. Evan stared back at him. 

The door opened. 

Connor’s gaze flicked to the door quickly and his face became dark almost on instinct. His eyebrows shot up slightly when he saw it was his mother. 

“Hey Connor, I was wondering if you wanted to make you breakfast with me?” Connor’s watched her blankly and she looked hesitant like this wasn’t a normal occurrence. “You could maybe tell me more about your friend, Evan? The uh the one-” Connor cut her off before she could finish. 

“The one that died. Yeah I know, he was the only friend I had.” Connor continued to just stare at her blankly. “It’s hard to forget that your only friend died.” 

“I'm sorry, Connor.” She sounded sad. Evan felt bad. 

It’s quiet in the room for a moment and then Connor speaks up.

“What do you want me to make?” he says as he stands up and stretches his arms above his head. His joints make loud popping noises as his body stretches. 

Cynthia’s face breaks out into a wide smile and the tension in her shoulders vanish. 

“I was thinking pancakes!” she exclaimed excitedly. 

Connor nodded his head. “Mkay I’ll be down in a bit. I gotta change clothes.” 

Cynthia nodded her head quickly and closed the door behind her with a soft ‘click’. Connor sighs and flops down onto his bed while covering his face with his hands. 

“So… pancakes?” 

“It was my favorite when I was like… eight.” 

“Oh.” good to know I guess? “Uhm do you still like them?” 

“They’re pancakes, of course, I like them.” 

“I mean some people prefer waffles-” 

Connor looked comically betrayed. 

“Don't ever say that name in this house,” Connor said. Evan couldn’t tell if he was joking. 

“...Waffles?” 

“That’s it, I'm disowning you. Evan Hansen who? I’ve never met him in my life.” Connor looked actually betrayed, good to know. Connor Murphy had a strong opinion on the mysterious world of pancakes. 

“Sorry I won’t say the uhm… ‘W’ word anymore.” 

“Waffles: the swear word of the century.” At that Connor began to laugh. Evan felt himself chuckle. 

“Ok Tree Boy you need to get out. I must get dressed now.” 

With that Evan left the room through the door. He stepped out into the hallway and looked around. Next to Connor’s room was another door. The paint wasn’t chipped and for the most part, it was spotless. Towards the bottom of the door, there were dark looking skid marks that looked like someone was kicking the door often. 

Evan found himself going inside the room. Inside it was the exact opposite of Connor's room. The floor was clean and didn’t have any random things cluttering the ground. The walls were painted a very light almost white purple. The curtains were pulled to the side which allowed the rising sun to filter light into the room. Posters of bands he (still) didn’t know covered the walls as did random cheerful pictures and selfies. A small variety of instruments were scattered around the room, but the most obvious was a beautiful wooden guitar that sat by the bed. 

The overall atmosphere of the room was quite calm. Unlike Connor's room, this room was light and spacious. A complete contrast between the two rooms. 

As his gaze moved around the room he remembered Zoe’s room was next door to Connors from when he heard her come home the day before. So this must be Zoe’s room then. As he looked around he realized the room was empty of one Zoe Murphy and all that was present was her belongings. 

It was strange to think about, the reason he had first come to the Murphy household was to see Zoe but ever since he was drawn to Connor’s room he had found himself almost forgetting Zoe was there. Connor seemed to have an effect similar to a black hole. He drew you in with great intensity and no one really knew how you would turn out on the other side. He was dark but easily noticeable amongst the light of the rest of the universe emitted. In this case, Zoe would have to be a star, easily overlooked, and crowded over by the importance or needs of all of the other stars in the sky but beautiful in her own way. A star could long have been burnt out and no one would have noticed. But if you, by a chance, looked at the right time she was burning bright light and could become the most beautiful star in the sky. 

She had had that effect on him for the longest time, he didn’t know if it still was in effect but he had known it was there. 

His thoughts were brought back to the taller Murphy sibling when he heard a quiet crash from the room next door. 

He didn’t really want to possibly see a naked Connor but he decided to check it out anyway. He could be dying or something and that would be quite interesting. 

Thankfully when he entered his room Connor was fully clothed but laid on the floor again next to his desk chair which was now tipped over. He seemed to be falling a lot today. 

“Don’t say anything.” snapped Connor as he picked himself off of the floor. 

“Wasn’t ah… wasn’t planning on it?” 

“Well, that’s rude. I, Connor Murphy, your one and only fake friend who will die for Harry Potter, just fell.” Connor said this as he dusted the pretend dust off of the back of his black jeans. 

Evan Just stared at him with an almost blank expression, the twitching of his lips seemed to give away the fact that he wanted to laugh at the absurdity that made Connor Murphy. 

“Pancakes,” Evan said eventually after a long moment of staring at the other. 

“Oh, shit-” Connor grabbed his black hoodie and threw it on as he made his way to his bedroom door. 

“Don’t fall down the stairs!” Evan said with a laugh. 

“Oh fuck off, Hansen.” was the last thing he said before heading downstairs and into the kitchen to meet his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea of what Im doing   
> someone help me l m a o 
> 
> comment your thoughts or any ideas/theories (?) if you want!


	4. Chapter 4

In the kitchen, Cynthia had piled up an assortment of different things to make pancakes from scratch. It went from flower all the way to the berries she would probably be putting on hers. She stood, waiting for Connor with a large smile on her face. 

Connor had walked into the kitchen with his shoulders hunched over and his hands in his pockets. His hair was messy and stuck up in weird angles but he had made it to the kitchen to make breakfast with his mom. 

“Oh! Connor you came,” Cynthia smiled and clasps her hands together “it’s just you and me this morning since your father is at work and Zoe… well Zoe went to her friend’s house... but I still got all of the stuff I know you liked!” she excitedly motioned to the stuff on the counter “I remember when you were a little boy you loved putting chocolate chips in them and… and you wouldn’t even put syrup on them because you thought it tasted bad so I would always mix honey and butter together…” as she said this she picked up random things that were mentioned, a golden chocolate chip bag in one hand and a jar of honey in the other. She looked up and smiled at Connor. 

Connor stared back at his mother, his eyes were wide looking at the pile of things she had gotten. He slowly made his way to the counter and looked at all of the things scattered across the large counter. 

“I...I even got the same recipe we’d use when you were little…” she pointed to an old looking cookbook that was opened to a page labeled Pancakes. The pages looked dirty like someone had spilled food on them. 

Connor looked at all of the things and then back to his mother. His eyes had not gone back to the semi-closed shape they usually had and he just stared for a long moment thinking. The kitchen was quiet and Cynthia began to look nervous. 

“We… we don’t have to make them like that if… if you don't like them anymore but-” 

“Thank you, mom.” Connor had actually sounded thankful, a small, nearly unnoticeable, smile graced his lips. It looked almost sad. 

“Oh,” Cynthia looked surprised and like she was going to begin to cry. She rubbed her eyes and then nodded her head. “Well, you’re welcome Connor.” 

Then they began to work on the pancakes. The kitchen was filled with the sounds of the quiet makings of pancakes and small chatter. Cynthia had talked about her clubs and her friends in those clubs. She talked about random things as Connor made sure she didn’t mess up with the measurements or burn the food. 

By the time they had filled a plate with a stack of pancakes and used up all of their batter they both had smiles on their faces, Connors was smaller and looked unused and Cynthia’s was large and excited. 

When they sat down Cynthia began to talk again. 

“I’ve been talking so much about me and I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but if you wanted to you could talk about your...your friend Evan?” She had a sadder smile on her face now. 

Connor’s hand froze in front of his face, it held a fork carrying pancakes. He slowly put the forkful into his mouth and nodded. He looked over at Evan and then back at his mom. 

“He was this... tree expert, right? He knew a lot about trees and would always talk about them every chance he would get.” Connor looked down at his plate of pancakes “ He was the nicest person to have ever existed, probably, to me anyway.”

Cynthia’s hand crossed the table to crip Connor’s hand. He tensed slightly but relaxed again after a moment. 

“He never told me but I have a feeling he liked waffles more than pancakes, but that’s okay I could just make him come to the pancake side…” Connor looked over at Evan as he said this “Or well, I would have. I think.” 

Cynthia smiled sadly. “He seemed to have made you happy, Connor.” 

“He...he uh did. He was great.” Connor poked at his pancakes before sighing. 

“Do you know when the funeral is, sweetie? I can… I can go with you if you’d like. Or uhm I could drive you there and I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to.” Cynthia suggested. 

“...It’s this weekend, I think. I… I looked it up when I went back to bed last night. He died at his favorite park, Ellison Park. He worked there as an assistant park ranger. I’d go there and take walks with him sometimes and...and he would tell me about all of the plants.” 

“Oh, Connor…” The hand holding him squeezed tighter around his fingers as she looked at him with sadness in her eyes. He just looked down at his lap, hair falling in front of his eyes. 

“I’ll go with you so you aren’t alone at the funeral if you want me there. Okay?” 

“Yeah...I’ll uh I’ll uhm like that. Thanks...” he stared at his jeans and furrows his brows “mom.” 

“Okay, we better lighten the mood now so we aren’t too sad, okay? How about we finish these pancakes?” 

Connor nods his head and they eat in silence again. Evan watches from his perch by the entryway of the kitchen. Cynthia seemed nice… she seemed like she was trying her best. She reminded him of his mom, they were both tired. If she didn’t have a job and didn’t go to school he thought she would have probably ended up a lot like Cynthia. 

Evan feels himself frowning as he watches the two. HE hadn’t seen his mother since he had become a ghost. He hadn’t seen her much before he died either, and he didn't say goodbye. He feels guilt churn his stomach and he grimaces. He missed her. He hoped she was okay. 

When the two finished eating Cynthia smiled up at Connor. 

“Why don't you go to the living room and watch a movie while I clean up this mess? I’m pretty sure we have Harry Potter...you can check the movie drawer.” She smiled again as she began to pick up the plates and bring them to the kitchen. 

“I… I think I’ll go to my room instead,” he stood from the table and walked towards Evan “...thanks, mom.” 

Cynthia just nodded her head quickly as she left the room. 

Evan followed Connor back to his room. When Connor got there he immediately fell back into his bed. He seemed to be studying the ceiling intently. He looked back down toward Evan after a few moments. 

“She’s too nice.” he finally said this with his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” Evan questioned. 

“She- well I’m an ass, right? I’m rude and I never listen to my parents. I give them so much shit just because they want to make sure I have a good future and-” he took a deep breath and shook his head harshly “She doesn’t need to be nice to me, I was never nice to her.” 

“She’s your mom, there is nothing you can do to make her stop loving you. I-” even picked at his fingertips, “I think...I think she is just trying to make sure you’re okay. She loves you and even if it doesn’t seem like it-” Evan started tugging on his shirt harshly. Cynthia really reminded him of his mom “She’s trying. She remembered your favorite pancakes and made them to try to cheer you up because… because I’m dead. She thinks you’re grieving right now, she thinks the only light you seemed to have has been snuffed out. She took the time to do all of this for you, right? She said she usually has that one club at this time.” Evan’s chest hurt but he had to let Connor know the thing he didn’t really notice when he was alive. 

Connor looked at him with wide eyes. He had sat up somewhere along with his speech and his hair now hung in front of his face, his eyebrows were scrunched together. 

“Evan, you’re something else.” 

“Yeah, I-” Evan chuckled “I am a ghost after all.” 

“Oh fuck you, Hansen.” Connor flopped back down onto his back. 

Evan just laughed in his reply. 

“And… thanks or whatever for the pep talk.” 

“Yeah… uhm you’re welcome, Connor.” Evan smiled down at Connor. 

Connor closes his eyes and breathes deeply and then looks back up at Evan. 

“Do you wanna go on a walk, Tree Boy?” 

“Huh?” 

“Y’know, we can go down to Ellison. You can tell me about all of the plants…” 

“Oh” Evan could do that, couldn’t he? I mean Connor would probably want to visit the tree he jump- fell out of but that wouldn’t be that bad. It was a doable task. “Yeah uhm, sure? Yeah, I can… I can do that. We can go to Ellison.” 

“Okay lemme get my shoes and we can go.”

Connor nodded his head and stood up. He slipped his boots on and then grabbed a brown messenger bag and hung it over his shoulder. He grabbed a sketchpad and a few pencils and stuffed them into the bag as well as his phone. He grabbed a hair tie from his desk and rolled it onto his wrist. Connor looked at himself in a small mirror on his wall and frowned at his hair before shrugging and putting it in the back of his sweater below his hoodie. 

“Okay Tree Boy, show me the way.” 

“Uh.. o-okay uhm well-” Evan bit his lip. “This...this way I guess.” he motioned towards the hallway. 

They walked down the stairway and towards the door. Before the two had left Connor yelled into the house that he was going to Ellison Park to take a walk. He heard Cynthia yell something along the lines of “okay have fun” from farther in the house. 

They made their way to Ellison, neither of them making conversation topics that really stuck so they walked in silence. Evan stopped in front of the sign that said Ellison Park in chipped green paint. 

“Well… uh, we’re here.” he awkwardly motioned towards the sign. 

Connor nodded his head and looked upwards. 

“There’s a lot of tall trees here, huh?” 

“Yeah, it’s a… a park.” 

“Yeah, I guess it is.” Connor looked around before saying “so, Tree Boy, wanna teach me about all of the really cool trees?” 

Evan opened his mouth and then closed it. “I didn’t know you actually wanted to know about the plants.” 

“I said I did, didn’t I?” 

Evan thought back to the conversation they had before leaving the Murphy house. “No… no, I don't think you specifically said t-that you uhm wanted to learn about them...I think you said that I could though.” Evan looked over to Connor “I- I mean I could if you… if you still want to. Learn about the plants.” 

Connor pointed at a random green plant. “So, tree boy can you tell me what that is?” 

Evan studied the plant for a moment. “Ph, that’s just… a New York fern.” 

“Oh, borning.” 

“Yeah uhm…” 

“You can tell me about the trees as we walk.” 

“O-okay I can do that.” 

Evan nodded his head as he began to walk further into the park as he told Connor about the different plant life they passed as they went. Evan didn’t realize they subconsciously walked towards His tree. They walked farther and farther into the park as Connor nodded his head when Evan would tell him something new. Connor would occasionally ask him a question but for the most part, the other was silent. 

Connor stopped walking next to him which made Evan look over at him in confusion. 

“What…?” 

Connor didn’t reply, he just pointed towards ahead of him. Evan looked over to where he was pointing. There was a large tree, his tree, and by the base sat a person. 

“That’s…” Evan couldn’t believe it. Why was he here? “J-Jared…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoyed this l m a o 
> 
> oh? Jared? is that you? ahaha
> 
> anyway yeah i know Cynthia has her weird diets but she's Trying


	5. Chapter 5

“Kleinman?” Connor whispered. 

“Y-yeah that’s- why is he...” My brain couldn’t comprehend why he was here. Why did he have to sit under my tree? Why did he still look so sad? No, he wasn’t supposed to be this sad he- he wasn't supposed to miss him. They were family friends! You’re not supposed to miss family friends so why… Why was Jared crying at his tree? It didn’t make any sense. “We shouldn’t b-be here. W-we n-need to l-leave right n-now” he can’t speak well and his breath was unsteady. 

He felt himself backing up quickly but he couldn’t turn away from the sight of Jared. 

“Evan-” this time Connor’s voice came out louder. 

Jared’s head shot up and stared at Connor. His eyes were wet from tears and they were red-rimmed. His glasses weren’t on but instead, they rested in the dirt next to him. His eyes squinted to see better. He looked like a mess, his hair was in disarray and he had dark eye bags. 

“Who…” his voice trailed off before he rubbed his eyes to get rid of the tears. “Murphy?” 

“Shit,” he said “C-Connor we r-really should leave. Like right now. Please.” he went to grab Connor’s arm but then stopped when he remembered his hand would just go right through him. 

Connor just stood still and looked at Jared. 

“...Kleinman.” 

“C-Connor that is the opposite of leaving-” he stutters out. 

“Why are you here Murphy?” Jared questions. 

Connor looks over at Evan before facing Jared again. It’s too late to leave now, they already started to have a conversation. Shit. 

“A friend of mine died here the other day,” Connor said slowly.

“Connor, what are you d-doing?” he feels panic churn in his stomach. Connor ignores him. Sure this is what they agreed on, lie to everyone about how they were friends. But this was Jared we were talking about. 

Jared’s eyes widened while he stared at Connor and then up at the tree. 

“You… you weren’t friends with Evan.” Jared is shaking his head quickly.

“We met at the Autumn Smile Apple Orchard,” Connor said. 

“No you didn’t he-” Jared has such a weird look on his face as he tries to speak. “He...” Jared’s brows furrow together. 

“We did, I was his friend and I came here to… visit I guess.” What was he doing?

Jared is quiet as he stares at Connor. 

“Why are you here, Kleinman?” Connor questions back at Jared. 

“...I’m here because of Evan, same as you,” he said before looking down at the dirt. “They say he fell out of this tree...” he points to the tree behind him. “He was the best tree climber I knew, he’d been climbing them since we were little. It doesn’t make any fucking sense! He couldn’t have…” and then Jared was crying again. Thick wet tears fell and puddled at his hin before dripping off. 

No. no no no Jared couldn’t know, Could he? Connor… didn’t look surprised but neither of said anything about it after what Jared said. Maybe they were talking about something else. They had to be.

His hands subconsciously picked at his shirt. 

Connor just nodded his head and sat down next to him quietly. 

All Evan could do was watch with wide eyes. He had a strong urge to run and never see either of them again. Maybe he’ll take Connor’s advice to travel the world and leave them.

His feet won’t move. 

Silence fell over the three of them as Jared cried. Jared looked over at Connor and opened his mouth to speak. 

“Hey Murphy” 

“What?” 

“The funeral is this weekend,” Jared said as he sniffed. 

“I know.” 

“The last time we’ll ever see him.” 

“Yeah,” Connor said quietly. He was staring right at him, his gaze never-ending. 

“Fuck man,” Jared said “It feels so wrong. He should still be here talking about all of those stupid tree facts and-” Jared hated his tree facts, he always looked so bored when he talked about them. “And he should be alive!”

“But he isn’t.” Connor snaps “we’ll just have to remember him. Make sure he doesn’t disappear, that’s... the last thing he needs.” Connor says, and he sounds so sure. It almost scares Evan. That wasn’t the plan. The plan was that Connor would go to his funeral with him and… and he’d lie to make it seem like they were friends. There wasn’t anything about ‘remembering Evan Hansen’. 

Jared just nods his head and the tears haven’t really stopped yet. Evan feels his own eyes well with tears. The feeling of dread and guilt begins to feel suffocating as he watches. He needs to get out of here. He desperately tries to tell his legs to move, to get him far far away from his family friend and Connor but they stay put. 

“I didn't know you guys knew each other” Jared said and looked at his shoes “I feel like a horrible friend. I was such a horrible friend.” family friends his brain automatically corrects. The thought makes him flinch. 

“No one knew we knew each other, Kleinman, not even our families knew.” Connor was staring at him again. That weird look was back on his face and this time it made him feel uncomfortable. It was like he was trying to find out some… secret just by watching him. 

“That…” Jared picked at the sleeve of his shirt “that’s sad.”

“Mm,” Connor hummed “maybe, but neither of us really wanted our parents to know. They would make it to be this huge amazing thing like ‘oh wow you finally have a friend! Didn't know you can make those!’” 

Jared laughed at that. 

“Yeah… Evan wasn’t uh good at that. I’m surprised he was brave enough to talk to you! You’re like… the scariest kid in our grade.” 

And then Connor laughed. It was strange, he hadn’t seen him laugh with anyone else before. Well, that was a lie, he remembered him laughing when he was in elementary school. Before everyone had seemed to turn on him and before he became ‘the scariest kid in our grade’. 

Jared seems to be able to talk to Connor easily like they’ve known each other for years. It’s… weird. All of it is weird. Jared was talking about him. Jared Kleinman. The Jered Kleinman that he was sure despised him or at least found his existence annoying. The kid who, if seen with him in any public setting, would try his best to pretend they barely knew each other even though they’ve known each other their whole lives. 

That Jared was crying and talking to Connor Murphy. Jared was crying and talking about him, of all people, to Connor Murphy. Connor Murphy, the kid who he had somehow convinced to create a lie just so he would go to his funeral. The kid who sleeps more than he probably should and seemed to have a bad relationship with everyone. Connor Murphy, the only person who could see him. 

Evan knew that they would have probably had to talk sooner or later but he didn't think it would be like this. 

This… this felt wrong. 

Jared was supposed to be making some stupid jokes and Connor would have probably gotten really angry and then he’d leave. They’d never talk again and Evan would be fine. Jared wasn’t supposed to be clinging to all of the words Connor was saying, Jared wasn’t supposed to miss him. 

Connor just… let Jared talk about him. About all of the stupid things he did. Random things they had done when they were little. Jared talked about everything that had to do with him, things Evan hadn’t even remembered. With each word, Jared seemed to get more happy and sad at the same time. 

“I was a horrible friend.” Jared finally said. “Evan was so great and I was horrible to him.” Jared had something that resembled a scowl on his face now. 

Evan could finally move his legs but he didn’t flee, he rushed forward. He kneeled right in front of where Jared and Connor were sitting and he cried. He cried hard and it was ugly, Connor watched the two of them. 

“For what it’s worth,” Connor spoke, “Evan never said anything bad about you...he thought you were cool.” Connor smiled sadly

Jared looked surprised and then laughed wetly. 

“‘Cool’” Jared said while making air quotes with his fingers. 

Evan wanted to hug him. He wanted to tell him he was ‘cool’ even if he wasn’t. He wanted Jared to stop crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i probably shouldn't post this yes but I have been awake for 30+ hours and I stopped caring lmao 
> 
> this is bad so, sorry lmao


	6. Chapter 6

It feels like hours before Jared says he has to leave. Connor lets him go after a quiet goodbye and a nod of his head. 

Once Jared is gone it's almost silent in the small part of the forest they’re at. The birds sing and the wind causes the surrounding trees to move like they're in a dance. A couple of dry oak leaves fall down around them. 

Connor is staring up at the tree with a large frown on his face. He doesn't say anything. He stays that way for a long time and Evan just lets him.

When Connor finally looks back down to him he shrugs his shoulders. He then pulls himself up from the ground. Quietly, he walks past Evan and back towards the way they came. 

He follows quietly behind him and an anxious feeling fills his gut. Ever since the conversation with Jared, Connor hasn't said a word directed to him. The silence scares him, he doesn't know what it means. Is Connor upset with him? He didn't know the answer to that but his brain came up with hundreds of reasons why as he watched the others back. 

They're silent all the way back to Connor's crowded dark room. 

The silence was too much so he decided to break it with a small "C-Connor?" 

Connor flips around quickly and watches him with an almost blank face. His eyes are dark and his eyebrows scrunched together. His whole posture is tight and he looks down to see that Connor's hands are balled up into fists. a deep frown grows onto his face. 

"Why?" Connor asks and his face pinches. 

"W-what?" Evan stammers 

"Why did you lie, Evan?" Connor asks again more clearly. He still didn't understand what he was asking about but he felt something cold drop into his stomach. His hands felt sweaty. 

"Wh...what are you talking about? I haven't lied to you-" he tries to say more but Connor interrupts him again. 

"Stop fucking lying to me, Evan! You… when we first met you said you fell from that stupid tree!" Connor is yelling now and his hands jutted forward as he spoke, in quick animated motions. "How did you die?" 

"I- I did! I told you this, I fell!" Panic started seeping into his gut and he started to pull at the hem of his shirt.

"Oh really? Is that what happened?" Connors eyes narrow and he's glaring now. 

"Yes! I just… I lost my grip and then I just… I fell so…"

"That's pretty funny Evan because when we met you said the branch broke!" 

"I… no, I-" his eyes widen and panic pangs at his stomach.

"When we went to 'your' tree I saw something really strange, do you want to know what I saw Evan? None of the branches were broken, isn't that funny? You said one of them broke! Now you're saying you just fell?" 

"Connor it- I just- I-I-I uhm I-"

"How did you die Evan."

"I told you! I-I fell… I fell out of the tree."

He feels the air rush past him by the cold nip at his skin and the wind pushes his clothes to flap in all sorts of directions.

"Did you really fall or did you let go?"

he hits the ground.

The silence comes back. They're both staring at each other. Connor is glaring at him and his breathing is coming out hard making his shoulders shake. 

"Now, why the fuck did you lie to me?" Connor says. 

"I'm sorry-"

"You're not sorry." Connor spits. He’s really upset, it makes him want to curl up into a little ball and disappear.

"Y-yes I am it's just- I thought if you knew the truth you would tell everyone-"

“Why the fuck would I do that?!” 

“I-I don't know- I just… it was easier to lie okay?”

Connor silently glares at him for a moment, his eyes are narrowed and his hands pick at each other. 

“What about your mom? Do you think she’s stupid enough to think you fell from that tree Evan? She’s your mother she probably noticed-”

“She barely knew me, why would she notice something like that? She probably doesn’t even care-”

“Well good on that one Evan! From what I heard from Jared she hasn't left her house since you died because she's so sad!"

"N-no she- she can't be sad she-" 

"Oh and Jared, your friend? He's sad too! He knows it too, he knows you didn't fall. He told me you were the best tree climber he knew and that you haven't fallen out of a tree since you were little." 

"He wasn't supposed to notice! He wasn't supposed to be sad, Connor! It wasn't supposed to turn out this way, he… he wasn't supposed to.. t-to care about me." Tears he hadn't noticed until now were streaming down his face and he wonders, for a second time that week, how it’s possible. 

They watch each other, both of them are upset. Connor is still fuming but he seemed to be calming down as he thinks and Evan is crying. Connor lets out an irritated sigh and one of his hands go up to pass through his hair angrily. 

Connor opens his mouth to speak but then there is a quiet knock at the door. His eyes immediately shoot to the door behind Evan and then back to his face. 

“Connor? Is Everything alright sweety?” It’s Cynthia. He sees Connor’s eye twitch. 

“I’m fine mom.” Connor snaps. 

“Are you sure? I heard you yelling and-” 

“I said I’m fine, so leave me the fuck alone!” 

A quiet “oh” sounds from behind the door and then quiet footsteps as Cynthia walks back down the hallway. 

It’s quiet for a moment before Connor yells and kicks the side of his bed. He immediately seems to regret it because he yells again, in pain this time, before clutching his foot. As he does so he promptly falls to the ground. 

Connor stuffs his hands into his hair and it's at this point that he realizes Connor is shaking. 

"Connor…?" Evan asks. 

He wasn't expecting the boot that was thrown directly at his face. He flinches when it goes through him. 

"Leave." 

"What?"

"I said leave!"

Connor is shaking more now and his hands pull at his hair. 

"W-why? Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine! Just fucking leave okay?! Ever since you showed up everything was okay but then- now my mom's fucking scared of me again a-and-" Connor yells and throws another random object across the room. It crashes against the opposite wall loudly.

Then suddenly Connor is crying. Not quietly either, full chest heaving sobs escape his body. He looks scared and angry as he pulls at his hair. He looks confused.

And not for the first time this week, he doesn't know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh sorry for disappearing on y'all... guess we can say I was ghosting- ok I'll leave lmao 
> 
> This is super short and rushed but- I hope at least someone likes it? Ha


	7. Chapter 7

Evan didn’t know what to do, so he went to do the one thing he thought he was good at; following directions. He turned to leave and as his hand went to touch the door knob, it fazed through it like it was nothing. He was nothing. 

And then the door knob turned and he jerked his hand away from it. 

All he could think of is oh no. 

Connor hadn’t noticed it but he had as the door started to open. 

“C-conner-” he tried to warn, but Conner didn’t hear or he didn’t care about what he said anymore.

He didn’t get to finish his sentence because the door was now open. In the doorway stood the person he would have least expected to see. 

Zoe Murphy. Connor’s sister, his long time crush that died with him in the least literal sense of the word. 

She stood there looking normal in her purple flannel and her blue jeans. As she stared at her brother the only look he could describe the look her face scrunched up into was fear. Her hand shook on the door knob. 

He had never seen Zoe look like this, she usually was all carefree smiles and laughter. The situation was all just so confusing. 

He notices the exact moment Connor must have looked up at her because she flinches and her hold on the door knob tightens. A brief moment of panic flashes across her face, like she doesn’t know what to do in this situation. Like she opened the door before she really thought her plan through or just what to do with sobbing Connor in general. 

She takes a tentative step forward. 

He looks back at Connor, his hands scratch and rub at the sleeves of his black sweatshirt in the desperate attempt to ground himself. His hair is a mess from the pulling and it falls in front of his eyes like some shield trying to protect him. His shoulders, and his whole body, shake as he desperately tries to stop his crying. It doesn’t work, he just gasps and then cries harder before trying again in a painful looking loop interrupted by more crying. 

“C-Conner-” He says again, like it was the only thing he knew how to say. That could be true, he didn’t really know what he could do in a situation like this. He was a ghost, and when he was alive he would just let his attacks draw out until they ended. 

“Get out of my room! Leave! I-I don’t need you here-” As he says it his body curls into itself more. He doesn’t know who it’s directed at, but he assumes it at him. 

“No.” That wasn’t his voice, he looked back at Zoe. Her voice comes out shaky and the fear is still evident on her face but she lets go of the door knob and take a step forward. 

He could see the way Connors eyebrows scrunch up and a look of confusion passes through his face. 

Zoe takes another step forward, and another until she gets about two feet away from her brother. As she gets closer, Evan takes a few steps back until he’s in the corner of the room, far enough away from Connor so he wouldn’t have to see him. 

“Breathe” she says, and her voice is more sturdy than the last time he heard her speak. 

“G- get away from me. You don’t want to be here-” Connor tries to say between his gasping breaths. It sounds strained and his eyes bubble up with more tears. 

“I know you don’t want me to be here but I’m not leaving until after you start breathing like a normal human being." She tells him. "So, if you really want me to leave you have to start copying my breathing, got that?” Zoe says, the fear still evident in her face but her voice sounded sturdy and brave. It was obvious she hadn't done this before, for her brother at least, because Connor just looked confused. 

Zoe breathes in deeply and he watches as Connor doesn’t start to copy her, all he does his rub at his arms with more panicked gaspes. 

“Hey stop that, okay? Look at me and copy my breathing.” As she says this she starts over and does a more dramatic show of taking a deep breath. 

Connors eyes squeeze shut and he nods his head frantically. He goes to copy her but his breathing stutters so he tries again. 

“That’s it. Okay, copy me.” Zoe says again. She breathes out slowly and Connor copies her. 

"I- I can't" Connor stutters out. 

"Yes you can" she says. “Can I Hold your hands?” She asks after a moment, and at first Connor jerks away and tightens his hold on his forearms. “You don’t have to,” She says quickly “I just don't want you to hurt yourself uhm more and I thought holding onto something that wasn’t yourself might help? Uh-” She doesn’t finish talking when Connor’s pale hands latch on to hers. They’re shaking but she takes them in hers and rubs the knuckles with her thumbs. 

“Is that okay?” she asks. 

“Yeah it’s” his voice cracks and a hiccuped breath escapes his mouth “yeah it’s fine- just- do what you were doing before I- I need to breathe-” and so Zoe goes back to helping her older brother through breathing exercises.

The sudden sense of feeling out of place overwhelms him. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be watching Zoe Murphy calm her older brother down. He shouldn't be in Connor Murphy's room. He shouldn't be in the Murphy household. But he can't move, no matter how hard he tries to get his stupid ghost legs to move, they won't. It feels almost as if they were super glued to the floor so he would be forced to watch what he had caused.

He wasn't even supposed to be there in general, ghosts weren't supposed to exist. He hasn't even seen any other ghosts since he died and wondered if he was miraculously the only one. He thinks it could be the universe pulling some horrible prank on him, how it could be punishing him because he ruined it's plans for his life. 

Even if he didn't have a plan when he jumped from that tree that day he didn't plan on sticking around. When he jumped it was supposed to be the end of things. He should be gone, like how everyone else thought he was. He shouldn't be able to make Connor Murphy cry in his room, he shouldn't even be able to make him laugh. 

His hands go to pick at themselves but when his nails go to dig into his skin he is met with the feeling of nothing. At that moment he wished to be alive just so he could feel it, so he could ground himself at least a little bit. In the background of his thought he could hear Connor crying still as his little sister tries to help him though it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahah.... uhm. Hi :D 
> 
> Oh? An update? What's this? 
> 
> This is such a short chapter but I want to get smth out cause someone commented about how they liked this story and wanted me to update which made me realize that I really should at least get the littlest bit out 
> 
> So I hope you enjoy this, I really don't know what I'm doing :D
> 
> BTW I didnt edit this like... at all cause I wrote it at like 2 am so if there are any mistakes tell me lol


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